I think I finally figured out the foundation of my struggles with people--"do not cast your pearls to swine." The fact is, I never knew what those pearls actually were that were getting me "torn into pieces" occupationally, personally, and socially and I finally found it today--the act of prioritizing the truth over all.

Yes, its true, I have always struggled with the idea that people do not want truth. Only because I have finally come to realize why--because they are trained from the very beginning to prioritize anything else to make it in this world. It's true, there are usually only two prioritized entries in any person's mind --truth, and anything else-- and I have to tell you that truth does not usually make it to the top of the list.

Why? simple--cause truth is not convenient, it calls us to submit to it; also truth is not rewarding (in earthly terms) cause it can't pay you like lies can; also its not friendly, cause most people reject it for their own opinions. So from the very beginning the world trains us to put truth on the back burner while we go through the rest of our lives, making money, paying bills, getting along with the boss, getting a raise, moving up the ladder, getting a house, putting food on the table, feeding the kids, then going to sleep and having to do it over again the next day. Truth is abrasive in relationships, truth catches those who lie and casts them down, truth can't stand ignorant opinions, truth doesn't have a stomach for people being obsessed about themselves, or trashing other people in their time of need. We just simply don't have the time for this superfluous thing called truth. We simply have no use for it in our world. Unless we want to suffer.

Clearly no one would suffer for truth. That's selfish. That's self-centered. That's egoistic. If all you care about is revealing truth to people you will need a defense from their faulty logic, you will need to do your homework on their bad evidence, you will have to call them on their selfish motives, and no one can live like that, barring a sheer act of God.

That just it--an act of God. Being born from above means you can only prioritize truth because you know that people's lives depend on it. When God is born in you, revealing the truth becomes self-centered not because you receive anything from it, but simply because its intrinsically rewarding to reveal it to people. Jesus told us the truth will set us free and then he died on a cross. Truth was not "anything else" to him, it was everything.

So, the real struggle then, the true foundation of it all, is the fact that the Spirit of God has infused my volitional faculties with the desire to prioritize the truth above all. I have not hesitated to do this and simultaneously have not stopped suffering for it. But I have seen those lives who have been changed for the better, forever. That's true treasure in heaven. That at least is encouraging.